Sunday, May 14, 2006

Terror Immunizations!!!

I swear I have seen it twice now, so I know it wasn't a dream. And neither time was during SNL, so I know it wasn't a bit commercial. But I can find no evidence on el internet. A tragedy, for sure, because I'm going to describe something so hilarious that it's going to feel so, so wrong. But it's right, dammit.

I'm not big on certainty. Certainty hurts. The most sure things are the most elusive. But the certainty I am talking about is the kind of certainty that is beyond a guarantee. It's beyond physics, and even metaphysics. What I'm about to tell you will explain this. It's not just a certainty to me, obviously. It's not just the Colonel's guarantee. This is something else completely.

Everybody knows that if you mix KFC mashed potatoes, corn, chicken strips, gravy, and a bunch of cheese in a bowl, and you eat it, you will absolutely be terrorist proof. But it was such a hassle, because you used to have to mix these together on your own, and honestly, they were usual dicks when you asked for a big old bowl. Well there is no democracy more pure than the free market. Now the KFC folk will do it for you.

This is the best thing to happen to the whole world since they found out McDonald's cookies cure Bird Flu (look at this patriot!). Soon we won't have anything to be afraid of except Arby's. Arby's hates America. There, I said it.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home