No Cavuto, It's Your World

Banking on some long odds, that "you" isn't just me, and maybe that "you" is even somebody who gives a rat's ass about Cavuto, or better, IS Cavuto, I want to talk about "fair and balanced." Or "fair" and "balanced." First of all, I'm not a usual watcher, but I was in the cafeteria at work and there you were. And you were asking Madeleine Albright if this administration deserves any credit for there not being a follow-up on American soil for 9/11. Yes cockass, W deserves credit for...reverting back to somebody's status quo. And it only took him noting every phonecall I have made since then somehow to magically ward off the boogeyman.

First of all, on that. Dear EVERY PARTISAN PRICK, it's not that I'm hiding something now. But what about in the 2009, when they decide that somebody I called in 2002 is an enemy of the your world? So now I'm an enemy too? You can write down my phonecalls if you register your guns, assholes. How about that? Yeah, didn't think so. Better yet, how absurd would it be if you had to register bullets? Well Mr. NRA, you bought 13,000 rounds in 2003, but in 2004 we were up to 21,000 9mm rounds. First of all, Mr. NRA, the metric system is unpatriotic, so you have been tagged as a UN apologist in the system. Second of all, you either got less accurate in 2004, or there's a lot of bullets lying around the farm. You guys should be soooo pissed. Every effing argument about your effing guns, that they have never been used in a crime, and you're not a criminal. Switch GUN with PHONE. Now load that phone with a hollowpoint and blow your brains out.

Second of all, we all know from Goodwill Hunting that the NSA is the bleeding/cutting edge of whatever. But I should at least be able to wrap my bean around needing to know every phonecall made and the link to terrorism. If I can't, and if Matt Damon or Stephen Hawking isn't going to be on your world to explain it to me, then screw you. God, I am so pissed.

But this isn't even what inspired me to write.

I didn't note the time, so I'm not sure the paradigm works, but after Albright, they had on a guy that thinks in response to the 1 May marches by immigrants, Americans need to boycott everything to do with Mexico. First of all, this must be like the person that comes on after Jack Hannah. Like the guy that collects Doritos or something. But back to this poor, uninformed near Wal-Mart Greeter. Even Cavuto, pretty much immediately realized this guy was a nutball. Just 100% racist ass. He wanted revenge for something that didn't even affect him in Crazyville, Wherever. And Neil gently tried to point out that making things fractionally worse won't stop people from coming to America. It might make them fractionally more likely to sweep the floor at your Wal-Mart.

But Cavuto, yeah you, Neil. In your world, this guy gets a pass. Be "fair" and get him. Be "balanced." He deserved some balance, Neil, but because he's either a) on your side, but not too articulate, or b) way beyond your side, but not on mine, you just let him ride. And yeah, there might have been a semi-wink and a pico-nod, but your network is never going to have "Fair, Balanced and Subtle" as a slogan.

Neil, in my liberal, naive heart, I want to believe that you think this guy is hilarious. That you don't want him on your team. But he is, isn't he? He's a mascot, maybe, but he's part of your world. So here's my wish, Neil. I wish that Mr. Emmisary of Crazyville just went crazy, and pulled a severed immigrant head out. "See Mr. Cavuto, this is my lucky Beaner-head." Then, prolly just for the sake of closure, we could have seen you freak out like Letterman did when the monkey dressed for a teaparty tried to grab him. That was back when he was as funny as you, Neil.