Hoffa? Seriously, Hoffa?

Does anybody give a fuck about this? Seriously, I'm not even making a joke. The guy disappeared in 1975. America was prolly about two years from being able to sincerely ask who the fuck Jimmy Hoffa was. Fuck, who even remembers the movie Hoffa? He was apparently an asshole. Nobody liked him. Nixon pardoned him. When Nixon pardons you, you are one low bastard. Why is the FBI looking into this? Why are they talking about looking into moving a fucking barn? What's that going to cost? Look at all the Hoover boys in that picture. Posing. It's a CSI casting call. If somehow this is remotely important to somebody, wouldn't this be sort of an undercover operation? Take off those fucking jackets, assholes. Put on some overalls. Blend. Fuck, it would be better if they were dressed as KISS.

You should be fucking embarrassed. Fucking Geraldo wouldn't touch this one. For those keeping score at home... Pardoned by Nixon, invisible to Geraldo. Hoffa, if you are alive, kill yourself.

And has this case really been ongoing for 31 years? Have there been like weekly reports on this? "Okay, last thing on the agenda... How's the Hoffa case going?" Boy, talk about the perfect time to mumble. And I mean asking the question. Now imagine answering it. By about '84, it had to be conveyed through looks and the shake of a head. Like a pitcher shaking off the catcher. By about '97, that had to be a head hung waaaaaay, low.

It's good to know that there's nothing else going on in America. That the FBI can afford to investigate something that we have already explained away with our proud gangster mythology. And one last thing. When W got his morning newspapers explained to him, imagine that exchange. I'd like to think that he was pissed, but you just know that prolly the only thing he really, really knows about is In Search Of, and he was psyched as hell. If only there was some brush Hoffa could be buried under. And you know Director Skinner saw the news story and he didn't realize he was signing off on this the whole time.

I'll tell you what. These guys can listen to my phone calls anytime. Just that I'm not listed would keep them busy for months. "How's the Gilberry wiretapping going?" "He's still unlisted..."